Birthday fun

It has been light years (or at least it has seemed like that) since I last wrote, and I would like to apologize for that. I have been practically chain to my bed with some kind of virus. In fact, my whole family got it, and we kept flipping coins to see who felt worse....

Emma was actually so bad we had to go to the ER at one time. Luckily she's all better now thanks to the antibiotic she got. My husband and I are finally feeling better as well, so things are looking up for the Vukovcan family :0). My husband and I both felt so relieved to be over this virus thing that we went to Chili's tonight to celebrate. Do you know they have that $20 thing where you can get one appetizer, two main courses, and one dessert for only 20 bucks?!!! Let me tell you it is a steal. And, you always eat too much. Of course when you are there you just have to have the Chocolate Molten Lava Cake for dessert....What visit to Chili's would be complete without that?! Anyway, here's a photo of Emma waiting so nicely for her food to arrive (all the way from my diaper bag...)

Isn't she just the cutest thing you have ever seen? My baby, I am so proud of her. Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you that I entered her in to the Gap Challenge Casting Call. I am convinced that Emma will win it hands down because she is simply the cutest babe ever, and she would make a perfect Baby Gap Model. It is a fun thing to participate in, and if it doesn't happen this time, I am confident it will someday soon. I so confident in this that I am thinking about taking her to a model agency. After all, she's already a model in our lives. We are clicking away with our camera like mad people, so she's got already got the experience. It would be a super fun thing to try out for sure. Of course she will be the leading model for Tittut Baby too, that is a given.

Oh, I can't wait to get started with Tittut Baby. I am like a kid waiting for Christmas eve jumping up and down on the bed not being able to contain herself. I just want to be there - already started and up and running. Wouldn't that be something? Me and Emma take on the world...

What sparked my excitement today was a trip to Gymboree. That store is fabulous. It is as simple as that. Monkey pants, monkey jumpers, cutest holiday dresses, and you name it. I wanted to buy the whole store. Since money has been running low lately, I had to contain myself and keep to the sales corner, but still...And that's what I want Tittut Baby to be too. Filled with stuff that you can't keep your hands off. You just want to buy and buy and buy (can you tell I am a shopaholic just waiting to be set free...) Right now there is nothing new with Tittut Baby, though. My wonderful cousin is still working on the logo and her beautiful cards, my friend Dani has not started with the website yet, and I haven't ordered any products yet. I am thinking 2010 will be a good year to get started.

Speaking of Tittut Baby and babies. Today Emma, my husband and I went to our first play date birthday party. One of Emma's newest friends, Calista, turned one today. All the girls from Emma's playgroup were there, so it was like a giant playgroup only with a lot of cookies and cake. Joey was there too, and this time my husband got to see Emma and Joey interact first hand. They were cute as ever. Emma looked so cute in her new monkey dress (yes, it's from Gymboree...) and polka dot tights. She has gotten so many friends by now, and it is so nice to see them play with each other.

My husband and I got the laugh of our lives there when one two-year-old girl came into the room with two cookies in her hand. She sat down next to Emma, but boy, did she regret that or what. Emma spotted the cookies in the little girls hand and took off like a canon. She crawled over to the girl faster than a speeding bullet. She might have gotten away with it if she hadn't crawled with her mouth fully open as if the cookie was already in her mouth. The little girl saw Emma's batman moves and quickly went over to her dad to take cover while holding the cookies high above her head so Emma couldn't reach them. Emma, being my daughter and all, didn't let herself get discouraged, so she took after her still with her mouth wide open. The little girl realized she was in trouble and ran out of the the room still holding the cookies high above her head while screaming "Nooooo!!! Noooo!!!" Yeah, it was a funny moment, and I am still laughing about it. The girl's dad looked at Emma after his daughter left and said: "She is persistent, isn't she?" And Neno and I could only nod our heads in agreement....

All the dads chose to watch sports while the moms were playing with the kids....or rather preventing them from fighting with each other. Emma gave me cuddles every now and then, and as a mom, you take the kisses and hugs when you get them. You never know when the next time will be....

Since my camera just quit on me again, I think it is time to go for now. Over all the week has been great with an even greater ending. Emma is in a phase right now where she is protesting a lot and wants to bite me as soon as I am trying to correct her for misbehaving. Today was a great reminder that she, in spite of having a terrible temperament, is the love of my life and that I feel like the luckiest woman on the planet for having her in my life. Sure, we fight and don't see eye to eye on all things, but no matter how mad she might be, she always end up hugging and kissing me later. Because I am her mom after all, and she might not agree with me on everything, but I am the one who provide her with safety, love, and room to explore the world. And even Emma, who is only 9 months old, knows that that is what really matters in the end....

Until next time....

Living in the moment...

It wasn't as easy to write about staying present as I had thought it would be. Lots of thoughts and things to reflect upon, though. I hope you will find some of this stuff interesting and perhaps even relating to your own life...

Living in the moment has always been a personal challenge for me. I am one of those people who get very excited about things, and I tend to live in the future more than in the present. I always set many goals for myself and work step by step toward attaining each and every one of them. Today I am proud to say that I have achieved every single goal I have ever set for myself. I finished school, I got a degree in Psychology, I moved to the US, I got married, I bought a house, I started my own business, and I had Emma.

Having goals and something to look forward to was kind of my reason for living in a way. The last goal I set for myself was becoming pregnant and having a baby. I thought that becoming a mom would be the end destination, and I would finally be able to rest and stay grounded. But what happened was while I was pregnant with Emma, I felt like I lost my calling in a way. I had been so focused for so many years on becoming pregnant that once I was there, I was done. I had reached my ultimate goal. So, now what? Naturally as a Life Coach I was looking for my next goal and the best path to achieve it, but I wasn't able to find it. I simply had no idea of where to go from there...

This realization kept my up many nights. Having goals and something to strive for had been my identity for so long , and now that I finally achieved everything on my list, in a weird way I felt more lost than ever before. I kind of lost the essence of Jenny, if that makes sense. So, on one hand I had fulfilled my dream of becoming a mother to this beautiful and wonderful baby girl. On the other hand, I had lost my soul or my very essence as my dreams and goals for the future no longer dominated my life.

As time passed and Emma grew older, I noticed I started getting excited about things again. I was looking forward to getting out of the house. I was looking forward to our trip back to Sweden this Christmas, and I was also looking forward to all the play dates I signed up for. But most of all, I was looking forward to starting my new business, Tittut Baby. And I realized something very important right there. The goals, i.e. the future, are great to have because they fulfill a purpose and serve as a sense of direction. And it's equally important to live in the moment and appreciate what is now because that's where the journey is. I need my goals to feel whole and complete. But I also need to learn to live right here and now because that's where life takes place. If I always look forward and always dream about what's coming next, I will miss out on everything that's going on in this very moment.

As I was practising this realization earlier today, I looked over at Emma where she was playing on the living room floor. The moment my eyes met hers I knew that I had got it. There's just no question about living in the moment when you're with your children. They are forcing you to stay fully present whether you want or not. Children are masters of living in the moment. For them there is simply nothing but the present. Everything they want and need is right here. Tat is truly a magical gift, and I hope that it's something that Emma will learn to keep as she grows older.

As for me, who knows? Right now all I know is that I am able to stay fully present with her while I am also dreaming about and planning for my business. I guess the trick is to appreciate the present like you do when you are with your children, and when the kids are off to bed, like Emma is now :0), dive into your goals and all the other exciting things you have planned for the future...

Challenge

I wrote a long blog today about staying present and living in the moment. For some reason everything just disappeard and all my text was gone. I took it as a sign to stop writing and go to bed :0).

I will write something tomorrow on the topic, but before I go I thought I'd post a challenge for you guys. As you know, I am in the process of starting my own business and fulfilling a dream and long time goal of mine. Perhaps you have been thinking about a a dream or a goal you would like to accomplish too? Next week I am going to post a coaching process for you about how to set a powerful goal, becoming congruent, and how to attain it most effectively. Why don't you set a goal for yourself and do the process with me? We can be one of those goal buddies. We can share stories and learn from each other. Wouldn't that be fun? So until next time, think of something you would really like to do, create, or have and we'll pick up from there next week. I don't know about you, but I am getting excited again....:0)

Swine flu and play dates

Have you guys thought about the swine flu at all? Well I have, and I tell you, I am pretty spooked. I keep debating with myself whether I should have Emma vaccinated or not. One of Emma's doctors told me it is totally up to me and the he does not recommend nor discourage either way. When I went for her 9-month check up, that doctor said I should definitely vaccinate her. So, I have two opinions, and I am not sure which one to choose...

On the one hand, this H1N1 virus is spreading like a fire, it can be deadly, and children are especially prone to getting it. On the other hand, there are so many debates at the moment stating the vaccine can potentially cause a lot of problems such as autism, and there is no guarantee that Emma won't get the virus even though she has been vaccinated. While Emma's doctor assured me that there is no known link between autism and vaccinations, it still makes me think twice about it since we are going to Sweden for Christmas and airplanes are known germ collectors. What are your thoughts about the topic?

On to another more fun topic...baby skills. Or should I say baby aerobics. Emma turned 9 months yesterday, and she is just getting bigger and bigger. She amazes me every single day as she is learning more and more skills. She must be learning new skills in her sleep because every day she is doing something new. She has been almost crawling for weeks now but hasn't quite got it yet. Then yesterday, she all of a sudden started to crawl and did it flawlessly :-). And while she was doing it she was looking at me as if she was saying: "What was the big fuss about? I can do this in my sleep..." And she sure can. She's also pulling herself up to standing position very easily by now, and she's even taking a few steps while holding on to things, but she's not quite ready to let go yet.

She is getting used to her new play group too, and she has even gotten a boyfriend. Or that's what we moms in the group like to call him. Joey is an 8-month old super cute guy in Emma's play group, and Emma simply loves him. He is actually the only guy in the group, so you can imagine that he gets a lot of attention from all the girls. Every time Emma sees him, she crawls/scoots over to him and lean in as if she wants to give him a kiss. And bless his heart he's just sitting there letting her do all the work. It is so cute to see. I even have a picture of it, but since my camera is not working, I guess it has to wait until another time...

As I was watching Emma interact with Joey today, I thought about how times have changed. Emma doesn't know any rules or social etiquette of how she is "supposed" to behave. She only knows what she wants and she's going for it. It is very refreshing to see. What if we grown ups were more like children in this sense and went for things we wanted instead of letting fears and limiting beliefs hold us back? Aside from the obvious potential of total chaos, imagine what the world would look like if we all went for what we wanted and didn't let anyone tell us we couldn't do it or didn't deserve it. I am thinking the world would look pretty different. And I am thinking we would be a lot happier too....

Yikes, am I raising a bully?

Emma and I went to a play date yesterday, and while I enjoy meeting all the other moms and see Emma interact with the other kids, I am beginning to see a whole different side of Emma and quite frankly, it is kind of scary....

Emma is a big baby, that is a fact. Her doctor says she is just right and follows her developmental path, which is a great thing. I heard from the get go not to compare her to other children her age because they are all different and develop differently depending on their genes. Well, with that said, Emma is still a large baby. She is in the 99th percentile for her height and 81 percentile for weight.

When I went to our weekly play group yesterday, I (of course) compared her to the other babies there. And she is twice their size. Twice their size!!! Can you imagine. There was only one boy there, and he is about a month younger than Emma, and she is even bigger than him. And he is considered very large for his age. In addition to her size she is kind of a bully too. She just crawled over (or more specifically scooted over) to the other kids and keep stealing their toys. If they didn't give them up right away, she sat on them until they gave up and handed them over. None of the other kids did that. They played quietly in their corner and minded their own business. Emma even took their binky right out of their mouths and put it in hers like it was the most natural thing in the world. Then of course the other kids started crying and all of a sudden we had an orchestra of crying babies and one happy Emma....

While some moms there thought this was hilarious, it honestly worried me a little. Am I raising a bully or is she just expressing her independent self? One mom there sensed my worry and kindly said: "You will never have to worry about Emma because she will be able to take care of herself." And then she made a hulk-face, flexed her biceps and laughed...If this was any other kid, it would be kind of a funny story. But when it's your own baby, you have a tendency as a mom to paint the worst picture. And guess what I was painting? Emma going berserk in school and winning the "worst bully award"! I want Emma to be socialized and well-behaved when she plays with other children. I want her to have a bunch of friends too, and I am pretty sure that most friendships among girls will end when there's too much sitting and wrestling going on. Luckily, the other moms in the play group are fun and easy going. Most of them are first time moms like me, so there's quite a bit of understanding and empathy going on.

As I drove home a few hours later I thought about how to handle this situation in the future. I concluded that while I want Emma to grow up to be independent and empowered, I also want her to be sensitive and understanding to other people's needs. The answer was pretty obvious when I looked at her. I know that the responsibility lays completely on me and my husband. We need to be what we want her to be. After all, we all learn from observing, and if my husband and I are good role models, always consistant in our behaviors, and come from a place of love and support, I think we are going to be alright...

Someday on Oprah....

So, I am in the process of starting this new and fantastic business, right? And I am the first to admit that I am not very computer savvy. It has been known that I also tend to get a little frustrated from time to time when the technical part of my everyday living is not performing to its potential. For instance, I was just trying to upload a bunch of pictures of Emma into the computer and even share one or two with you, but the camera keep saying communication error. Isn't that annoying? I can't upload a thing at the moment. My computer has been acting out lately and preventing me from doing my work properly, and I can't help but to wonder if it is just time to get a new computer...one that will go very well with the new iPhone I hope Santa will get me this year...:0)

Speaking of Santa, my husband and I just decided to go back to Sweden for Christmas. Christmas is my favorite time of the year, and every year it keeps getting better and better. Now that Emma is born, I can't wait to buy her Christmas gifts, wrap them up, and see her face when Santa comes...Christmas is simply Christmas and I don't want to spend a minute of it without my family back in Sweden. Every time we spend Christmas away from our family back home it is never really Christmas. So we made an executive decision to go back this year since it is also Emma's first birthday in December, and we definitely don't want her family to miss out on that...

While I'm there, I will of course also do some business and scout out some potential suppliers for the baby products I want to import. I have already decided what products I am going to start off with, but I am not quite sure which suppliers to use yet. There is an ocean of things out there, and I really want to narrow down the product selection. I will not be one of those stores that sells everything. On the contrary, I will be the store where you can buy a select few of very special items that might be hard to find else where. The whole process of starting my own business is very time consuming but oh so much fun. How do you guys like the name, Tittut Baby, by the way? Tittut means Peek-a-boo in Swedish and since it is Emma's favorite game, I think it is perfect.

So to make a long story short, in between all the diaper changes, feedings, picking up all the spilled (thrown)food from the floor, dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, and you name it, I do manage to squeeze in a minute or two for planning the business. And every time I look at Emma I get so inspired about the future and what will come next. I mean, I am planning on having Oprah on speed dial, that's how successful I intend to be. Isn't it great to have so much passion for something that every time you wake up you can't wait to start another day?

Yep, that's me. And Emma of course. Because ultimately she is the inspiration for all of this. Since I became a mom my world has changed. And I know it sounds so cliche, but it is true. I used to live in the future and always looked at what was coming next. And while I still look forward to a lot of things (as with my new business for example), I am also able to enjoy every day and cherish simple moments that used to pass me without reflection. I like to say that I live more consciously now because every moment is precious. Being with Emma every day forces me to be in the moment like nothing else, and she keeps reminding me of what's ultimately important and who I am doing this for. So I guess I need her to help keep me grounded. Because I know in my heart that once I am grounded and in that place of infinite inspiration, I can create miracles and do things I never thought possible. We all can. And even though Emma plays a big part in that, I also know that that is all me...

The two musketeers...

Ok, here I am again. It is late, I am up, Emma's a sleep, and I tell ya, this blogging thing is addictive. I have so much to share. I start writing a little bit, and all of a sudden, I have written an entire chapter or close to, anyway. Mostly my thoughts coming out, but also some tips and ideas about stuff.

Most of the stuff comes from Emma. She is hilarious. Everyday she does something funny and totally new. She started sitting up by herself about a month ago, and I am simply amazed by how good she is at that now. She can get up to sitting from any position and she does it fast too. She is also crawling or what ever you call it when she's pushing herself forward with her arms while her body is still on the ground. She is also climbing on me and furniture like a monkey. I call her that now - my monkey. She likes that because every time I say that to her she smiles. Her smile is just the most beautiful smile I have ever seen. I can see in her eyes that she smiles from there. Have you ever thought about that? Most people smile with their mouth. Almost all babies smile with their eyes. You can tell they are sincere.

Today I went to Ikea because I had an errand in a neighboring town and Ikea was just there. I ended up spending a fortune on toys for her, but I don't care. I just love to watch her interact with her toys and when she figures stuff out. She has all these funny conversations with her toys too. They have like this secret language that only they understand. Emma is very involved with their conversations and they can go on for hours sometimes. Every now and then she turns to me as if she is explaining what is being discussed and I love it. I just sit back and watch her feeling like the luckiest person alive.

Emma and I have grown very close these last few weeks when my husband has been away on business. It has been very challenging and trying in many ways, but it has also ultimately been allowing us to get to know each other on a whole new level. I sometimes feel like we are the two musketeers - all for one one for all.....us against the world or something. It is nice. I would love to find out what she is saying, though, and I can't wait for her to start taking for real. Children have this amazing ability to stay open minded about things, and I love that about them. They do not judge people or hold back. They simply are who they are without excuses. I think we might all have something to learn about that....