Christmas and the store

Christmas is getting closer. I can feel it. And it makes me so happy I can't even express it. Sometimes I go to the mall and walk around for hours just to look at the Christmas decorations. The Christmas trees, the fake presents, Santa's toy store, all the Christmas cookies and drinks at Starbucks...I mean, what says Christmas more than that?

And as I'm strolling the isles in the toy stores, I am actually surprised by how much stuff is out there. Every single toy on the shelf is calling my name making me feel like a bad mother for not immediately buying them for Emma. And they have a very clever way of advertising their stuff too. They point out all the potential positive benefits of having them, and of course, as a parent, you agree. You want your children to do well in life and be happy. And I don't know about you, but I grew up with the idea of more is better. I never really had a lot of toys when I was a child. Or at least, that's how I felt back then. My friends always had more toys then I did, and I felt like I was deprived or less fortunate. Today I know of course that I had plenty of toys and things, and that I was too spoiled to recognize that I was actually very fortunate. Still, somehow a little residue of that feeling of not having enough as a child is still inside of me. And that feeling is what makes me raid the toy store every chance I get to make sure that Emma always has toys and stuff around her to make her feel happy. I want her to know that she is loved.

And believe me. I know how it sounds. Toys and things won't make a difference in the end and she will know that I love her no matter what. I still wants what is best for her, and since I buy into this whole idea around the holidays that she really needs more toys to be smart, successful, and happy, guess what's going to happen? Yep. More toys. Actually, Christmas is all about giving for me. I love to see everyone's faces when they open their presents. I love that feeling. I can just live on that high for months. I can't wait for Emma to be old enough to appreciate gifts and believe in Santa. I will do the whole cookie and milk thing and having Santa over on Christmas eve. It will just be fantastic. I am pretty sure she will be freaked out by Santa this year, but who isn't at that age? That's part of Christmas too. She will learn to love him like all other kids do.

I actually wish I had my store now. How cool would it be to buy a bunch of stuff for the store and start making well-deserved kids even happier? I can't wait. Also, I will naturally only get stuff that I like myself and that Emma plays with, of course. She will be my guinea pig in a way. I actually think that is the best way of going about this. You need to have someone try it out, and if they like it you have a good thing. I don't want to fall into the trap of getting something that I think look pretty or that I like. It has to pass the test of Emma. She is hilarious. She really is a good tester for these kinds of things. I know within minutes of she likes a toy or certain clothes. And that's good. It's guidance and I'll take it. I have done some more research now, and I even have my logo done. It's beautiful and I love it. It's exactly what I wanted. Next step is to do my business cards and start saving to buy the products.

I am actually looking for non-profit organizations and other companies that are interested in helping out a minority who is starting a new business. If any of you know a good place to apply for business grants, please let me know. Any help will be much appreciated. The sooner I start my dream the better...:0). Choosing a good hosting company is also a task and a hard one at that. I want to go with someone that is reliable and offers good support as well as has reasonable prices. I have been advised godaddy.com and joker.com. I need one that offers a shopping cart as my store will be entirely online.

Well, that's pretty much what has been occupying my time the last week or so. Christmas and the store :0). I have had other wonderful, beautiful, and absolutely amazing things happen, but I will leave that for another time and another post. In general, I am absolutely in love with my life and my family. I wake up every day feeling tired and slow to start the day. But the minute I walk into Emma's room and look at her smiling face I melt. There just isn't anything that can ever top that. And that's actually what makes me want to go to bed at night too. That feeling of being totally in love and know that someone loves me too...whole-heartedly and unconditionally.

Baby's best friend

Today I had a play date with a friend of mine and her daughter who is 9 months old. It was a joy to see them interact with each other. You can't really say that they are playing at that age because they are just sitting next to each other stealing each other's toys. However, they seem to have a lot of fun doing it. Mia and Emma are only 4 weeks apart, but they are so different. Seeing Emma play with her friend made me think about how it was when I first joined my playgroup here in the Bay Area. Emma was the biggest baby there, but she was behind on a lot of things like crawling, sitting up right, standing up, etc. Most of the babies in that group were doing a lot of stuff that Emma was no way near of doing. This prompted me to visit her doctor to make sure that Emma was doing OK developmentally.

Emma's doctor must have thought I was nuts, but she patiently listened to my concerns and explained that babies develop at different rates and that is perfectly normal. Of course I knew this already, and I am sure she must get tons of these visits every week. It got me wondering, though, if I am doomed to a life of worries. Am I a normal mom with normal every day worries, or am I being overprotective?

I think it is perfectly normal to worry about your baby and wanting to make sure she or he is doing well. And I also think it is perfectly normal to compare your baby to other babies because you need some kind of ongoing reassurance that she or he in deed are OK. I also think it can get a little tricky if your baby is being compared to every single baby out there because, let's face it, babies are different. And they in deed develop very differently. It wasn't until I stopped comparing Emma to all her friends that I truly started enjoying all her progresses.

Before I wanted her to start crawling faster and sit up faster by herself because "all the other kids can." When I finally let go of the need to compare her to everyone else, I interestingly enough started enjoying her steps as well as her missteps more. Emma is her own person. She shows me that every day. And the more I think about it the more I am convinced. Emma is her own person with her own unique abilities and strengths. She learns things in her own way at her own speed, and I need to celebrate her uniqueness instead of worrying so much. She will be fine, and today showed me that. I guess in the end a healthy dose of worry is in order, but don't forget to throw in a lot of fun and laughter in the mix as well.

True love...

I have noticed lately that it's not as easy to write when I am not inspired to write. Some days I just wake up feeling like crap. I don't know if it's a mother thing or just plain Jenny-thing, but today wasn't my favorite day of the year....

I was actually pretty excited about today. I knew Emma was going to the doctor's to get her shot, and I was going to my new hair stylist to do highlights, so the day was looking up. However, as soon as I opened my eyes, I just knew it wasn't going to be one of those days where I am jumping up and down with joy. I don't know if it's the weather, or the time change, or something else lurking. I just didn't feel up for anything. Emma hasn't made anything easier either. She just got her upper two teeth and is crankier than the crankiest at the moment. Nothing is fun for her and she's very fussy. On top of it all, we had a doctor appointment to get her 2nd dose of the flu shot. Emma's doctor is always busy and it's hard to get an appointment with her, so when one opened up I just grabbed it. Of course, it was right smack in the middle of Emma nap, so she didn't get her usual morning nap. And when she skips that one, she is usually in a pretty bad mood all day long....

Perhaps the day wasn't that bad after all. I am probably just in a foul mood today and take it out on poor Emma. It has to be ok, though. Some days you are just not feeling it, am I right? It's probably due to the lack of sleep. Emma has been waking several times in the middle of the night lately, and it is starting to wear me down. I can just feel how tired I am all the time. Yawning like crazy and I constantly feel too tired to even play with Emma. Starbucks has made a fortune out of me lately, so I guess it's good in somebody's eyes :0)....

Oh well, all days can't be good, I assume. As a mother, sometimes I feel like my days are controlled by the amount of naps Emma takes. If she skips any I know it's coming back to bite me in the butt. Pretty much my whole life evolves around Emma's naps and feeding schedule. Every time I make plans for something or someone, I have to do it in between Emma's naps but also make sure she eats before I leave the house. If she doesn't eat she gets cranky if whatever I am doing takes too long. So, basically I have a window of an hour or two where I can do things. Try to go to the bank, run to the post office, do grocery shopping, and get gas for the car in less that an hour. Not possible. Hence, there must be planning involved.

At the end of the day, though, when I am sitting here on my couch watching TV and blogging, I still feel like the luckiest person alive. Even though I have my moments when I am tired, grumpy, and overall in a bad mood, there's nothing that brightens up my day like a hug from Emma. And she knows exactly how to do it to make me feel special and happy again. It is true what they say. Children know how you feel. And I have started to notice how in tuned Emma has become of my mood. When I am moody and not in the mood to play, she becomes extra clingy and demanding. Almost like she knows that I need some cheering up. Even though her method of giving it to me is questionable, she still gets the point across. Mommy is sad so I need to give her love. And well, let's face it, nothing says love more than a 10-months old baby hanging on to your neck for dear life...

And I can feel it now. Even sitting here writing about my day that was anything but great -Emma has the best effect on me. I just need to think about her and see her in front of me and my lips start moving up. They simply can't help themselves. Even on the worst of days, bad plus bad always equal smile. That's how lucky I am.

She is indeed her mother's daughter, and to prove it I have a picture of us from Halloween. As I shared before, she was a ladybug and a real cutie at that too.

With love from us. Until next time...