Halloween

It's Halloween on Saturday, and it will be Emma's first Halloween. I have been searching high and low for the perfect Halloween costume for her, but I haven't been able to find the "right" one. There are a million to choose from, and to be honest, most of them are cute and adorable. Especially for girls you can find tons of princess outfits and characters from Disney movies. And I did buy a princess one first. It was pink and cute and all that. And somehow it didn't feel like Emma. I thought I wanted to dress her up as a princess, but now that I have the outfit I don't like it anymore.

So, yesterday I went to Target in search for something for her to wear on Saturday. To my surprise, they had a lot of costumes left. Both for adults as well as children. Right away my eyes fell on this adorable red and black lady bug costume. It was simply the cutest thing I have ever seen. It was a black dress with a red and black doted skirt. It came with wings and a head band and I just knew right away that I had to buy it. This was Emma for sure.

When I finally got home after lots of shopping (of course, while at Target you can't settle for just one thing and be on your way. There is always something else you really need...), I tried the lady bug costume on. It was for toddles from 12 months to 18 months so I thought it would fit. It just barely fit, and either Emma is a very big baby or they make these costumes for very small children. Either way, I need to get her a bigger size. So, it's back to Target today. Hopefully I will be able to stay on my mission and not get sidetracked with all the other things calling my name down the isles...

I'll post pictures of Emma later in her costume. I really hope that they have a larger size for her. And I hope we will have great weather on Saturday too. I would hate to have to cancel due to rain or bad weather. If we do have bad weather, we can always stay inside and just have fun at the house. I means there will be lots of adults too, and the kids can play while the parents hang out. It will be good. I am so curious to see how Emma does on her first Halloween. This is what I love about being mom and having a family. All these firsts and seconds and thirds with Emma that allow me to enjoy everyday of her life because there is always something going on. Something new to witness and take part of. Soon enough she will start walking, then it's preschool, regular school, dance shows, soccer practice, horse back riding, and everything else she will do. It will be amazing, and I can't wait. I really think this is what life is all about - having a family that makes you complete. Yep, I am happy. Life is good on this side of the world...:0)

One of those days...

The past few weeks have been very busy, and I find myself not having enough time to do what I set myself out to do. It's crazy around here with Emma's schedule, work, doctor appointments, gates ordering, lunch, dinner, grocery shopping, and everything else in between. I thought I had everything under control and felt pretty good about my somewhat organized life. Then Emma decided to start crawling and boom - end of freedom as I knew it.

Don't get my wrong. I love it. I love seeing Emma grow and progress and develop new skills. In fact, it is a cheer joy to see her figure new stuff out and then attempt to do them. She has been on her way to crawl for the longest time and then about a month ago she just took off. Now she is a real pro at crawling and decided last week that it was time to do something more daring and dangerous. I mean, why settle for crawling when you can stand up and walk between furniture? That way is much more fun plus I get to see mommy sweat while trying to catch me before I fall and hit the new and very hard hardwood floor....

Emma is definitely learning to test her limits. She understands "no," but has decided that it is more fun to despite me and go for all the things she's not allowed to do. Like crawling up to the fireplace and touch the very hot cover glass. Or crawl over to the stereo and pull out all of my favorite Cd's and DVDs. Or touch all the cords she can find in the entire house. Yep, she is becoming her own and it is a total delight. Of course, it makes it so much harder for me to do things when I constantly have to be next to her to prevent disaster from happening. Hence the beginning of my blog where I was starting to explain the infrequency of my blogs these days....

I always knew that this day would come. Emma would grow older and become more demanding. It is a given and every parent has to go through it. She is 10 months now, or will be tomorrow (Happy 10-month birthday, Angel!), and I am trying to figure out how to keep a semi normal life. Since I am now working between 3 and 6pm every day, it is imperative that Emma sleeps during those hours so I can work. Lately, she has not been sleeping much in the morning so she is very tired in early afternoon around 1pm or so. But since I work at 3pm and need her to nap then, I have to keep her up until that time. And that my friend is no easy task. She is cranky as ever, not wanting to eat or drink, and definitely not up for playing. My day in a nutshell. I do everything around her schedule because I truly believe that her routines are very important. I want her to have a sense of stability, and napping and keeping a somewhat regular schedule can help with that.

Although I am enjoying Emma's new found set of skills, I am also painfully aware of the fact that this situation is not getting better. It's actually getting worse. She's only crawling now. What will happen when she starts walking and running???? Crazy, crazy thought. Fortunately, my husband and I ordered gates for the stairs so we don't have to worry about her taking a head dive down the stairs anytime soon. That's a plus. Another plus is that while my husband is all of a sudden traveling every week leaving all the chores and household duties to me, he is home every weekend and do a lot of stuff around the house and spend time with Emma then. That allows me some time to regain some energy and focus on me for a bit. I like that.

Overall, it is a scary time ahead of us as Emma is getting more and more demanding, and everything is getting harder and harder to do. Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into because it sometimes feels as if the responsibilities are getting too heavy...too much. But of course in the midst of all the loud noise and poopy diapers I see Emma and love instantly fills my heart. She is simply adorable and her love for life is so contagious. I am the first to admit I am not the perfect parent I wanted to be before I got pregnant. Far from it. I have my days. Some days are better than others, but what I have learned is that it is ok to make mistakes and screw up sometimes. We all do. Moms are not perfect and we can't do it all. Sometimes we need help and it is ok to ask for it. It is also ok to admit when some things become too much. I praise my friends every day as they are always there for me supporting me and cheering me on through the tough parts.

I used to have this image of myself as a mom. I was perfect, the house was perfect and nothing would get to me. I would work, play with Emma, and just hang out. Reality looks a little differently. And I learned that the hard way. But we are good, Emma and I. We are bonding and learning from each other. And I like to think that all the stuff that I don't get to do like the laundry and making the bed are things that don't really matter in the end. Emma won't remember the laundry or anything else about the house. Hopefully she will remember her childhood as fun and exciting. As being loved and cared for by supportive parents. I guess thinking about those things from time to time is never a bad idea. We need to vent and air our verbal laundry as well. What I took away from today's busy day was the thought of appreciation in spite of challenges. It's so easy to get lost among the baby food jars and who's turn it is to change the poopy diaper, but when you are giving it your all and at the end of the day you can look yourself in the mirror and say: "Hey, today was a good day and tomorrow will be even better" then I guess you are not doing so bad after all...

Closing doors...

Last Friday I went to the movies with an old friend. As always after the movie we end up talking about the movie, life, and everything in between. It's great with friends like that. We can spend hours talking about life, the future, the past, the good, the hard, and everything else that's on our mind at the moment. Tonight especially I realized something important about myself...

Things at home have just kind of been going on their own for a while now, and I sometimes feel as if I am just tagging a long for the ride. Sometimes I wake up feeling like there's a couple of weeks missing of my life. Like I somehow "lost" them or something. Have you ever felt like that? Of course they were never "lost" but rather pushed back into the back of my conscious where I don't automatically think of them and where I can pull them from memory whenever I need them. My friend and I were talking about those weeks. It is pretty interesting how things tend to get monotone, or the same, after a while. When your in your daily routines, you might not even think about what you are doing because it is the same everyday. Breakfast in the morning, coffee, changing diapers, morning nap, shower, errands, lunch, afternoon nap, work....you get the picture.

Life seems to slip you by and all of a sudden you wake up 5 years later wondering where life went. The "lost" time is always there, of course. You just are not consciously aware of it. It gets coded in your memory and you know you were there and created it, but somehow it feels lost because you actually didn't live it... I have talked about this before - living in the present. And I think it is worth mentioning again. My friend and I discussed how fast time has passed this year. Emma is almost 10 months and going on a year. So much has happened since she was born. I have changed a lot too. I am a mother now. Making different choices and having different priorities now. I have closed many doors on the past. Lost some friends and gained some new ones. Changed jobs. Moved from one house to another. From one city to another...

As we go through life we close many doors. Some are voluntary and some are not. Living in the present and staying true to your goals and dreams are natural ways of closing doors to the past. We all make choices based on the probability of gaining more happiness and freedom. We want to evolve and make things better...easier. And in order to do that, sometimes we have to let other things go. Like friends. Or hobbies. Or old selves. I had a little realization as my friend and I talked about letting things go and being ok with that. Sometimes you have to let some things go in order to make room for new things in your life. And that is ok. Being a mom means I have less time for myself. And I think that is ok. I want to spend time with Emma. As much as I can, in fact. I don't like being away from her. And that means that I don't have as much time to go to the gym, for example. And that's a choice. I sometimes miss my old carefree life where I could go to the movies whenever I wanted or go to the gym right after work. Today I have to consider Emma in all my choices, and that can feel a little daunting at first. What ever happened to me?

Well, I am still here. I am just choosing differently for myself. And as much as I appreciate the freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want, I wouldn't trade my place for anything. Because I am different now, and I am still in control of my life and my future. So, even though it feels as if I've closed the doors on many things from my past lately, and I sometimes feel sentimental about it and miss my old life, I am ok with that. Because I know that changing is a part of life, and I know from experience that when one door closes there's always another one that opens...

Fall

So, yesterday we had both an earthquake and a storm. Talk about adventure in the suburbia. Our house shook for a moment, but it wasn't too bad. It is kind of scary how much we have grown accustomed to the quakes in this area. When I first moved here, I was too afraid to leave the bed after an earthquake. Now I just shake my shoulders and say: "It wasn't bigger than a 4." Can you imagine a world where we just get used to things like that happen? I guess we are kind of already there in a way. We all talk about the earthquakes and the storms like they are big things, but we also tend to forget about them as soon as they have passed...


When the first storm of the season arrives, it usually marks the beginning of fall. Just last week we had 80 degrees plus, then the storm came and brought down the temperature. Now it is up again to around 70's or so. Not too shabby for mid October, if I may say so. But fall is definitely here, and I can tell that Emma really likes this kind of weather. She has the biggest smile on her face when we are outside, and she keeps talking to the wind, as if "they" are big friends already. I have a Halloween outfit picked out for her, she is going to be a Disney princess (so cute), and we've already made plans to go over to our play date friend's house and spend Halloween there. I am not really sure how you go trick or treating with a 10 month old, but I am sure it will be fun. The adults will probably bake cute Halloween cookies and make some traditional Holiday feast. Either way, it will be fun because it will be Emma's first, and I can't wait to see her in her dress.

This year has been so many firsts that I get overwhelmed sometimes. It is so exciting to see her grow and develop in all her areas. Her newest thing she has learned is to give kisses. If I ask her if mommy can have a kiss, she leans towards me with an open mouth and kiss me on my lips. Soooo adorable. She hasn't quite got the part where she is supposed to close her mouth before the kiss, but she will get there eventually :0). She is just the cutest in the way she is giving a way kisses from left to right these days. It is memories like this you want to keep inside forever...


Both my husband and I felt we needed to get out of the house after work today, and what better place to go to when it is cold outside and rain is hanging in the air than Starbucks? It felt great to be outside and feel the cool breeze and then snuggle up inside your favorite coffee place. Emma had her Cheerios and we had our lattes. Life felt pretty complete, I must say. When we got back home, we turned on the TV to Comedy Wednesday, lit the fireplace, and spend the rest of the evening laughing.

Here's a picture of my little princess in her favorite summer dress last week. I guess it was the last time she will ever wear it, so I wanted to make the memory last. Isn't she super cute?

Hope you guys are enjoying fall as well.

Until next time....

Birthday fun

It has been light years (or at least it has seemed like that) since I last wrote, and I would like to apologize for that. I have been practically chain to my bed with some kind of virus. In fact, my whole family got it, and we kept flipping coins to see who felt worse....

Emma was actually so bad we had to go to the ER at one time. Luckily she's all better now thanks to the antibiotic she got. My husband and I are finally feeling better as well, so things are looking up for the Vukovcan family :0). My husband and I both felt so relieved to be over this virus thing that we went to Chili's tonight to celebrate. Do you know they have that $20 thing where you can get one appetizer, two main courses, and one dessert for only 20 bucks?!!! Let me tell you it is a steal. And, you always eat too much. Of course when you are there you just have to have the Chocolate Molten Lava Cake for dessert....What visit to Chili's would be complete without that?! Anyway, here's a photo of Emma waiting so nicely for her food to arrive (all the way from my diaper bag...)

Isn't she just the cutest thing you have ever seen? My baby, I am so proud of her. Oh, by the way, I forgot to tell you that I entered her in to the Gap Challenge Casting Call. I am convinced that Emma will win it hands down because she is simply the cutest babe ever, and she would make a perfect Baby Gap Model. It is a fun thing to participate in, and if it doesn't happen this time, I am confident it will someday soon. I so confident in this that I am thinking about taking her to a model agency. After all, she's already a model in our lives. We are clicking away with our camera like mad people, so she's got already got the experience. It would be a super fun thing to try out for sure. Of course she will be the leading model for Tittut Baby too, that is a given.

Oh, I can't wait to get started with Tittut Baby. I am like a kid waiting for Christmas eve jumping up and down on the bed not being able to contain herself. I just want to be there - already started and up and running. Wouldn't that be something? Me and Emma take on the world...

What sparked my excitement today was a trip to Gymboree. That store is fabulous. It is as simple as that. Monkey pants, monkey jumpers, cutest holiday dresses, and you name it. I wanted to buy the whole store. Since money has been running low lately, I had to contain myself and keep to the sales corner, but still...And that's what I want Tittut Baby to be too. Filled with stuff that you can't keep your hands off. You just want to buy and buy and buy (can you tell I am a shopaholic just waiting to be set free...) Right now there is nothing new with Tittut Baby, though. My wonderful cousin is still working on the logo and her beautiful cards, my friend Dani has not started with the website yet, and I haven't ordered any products yet. I am thinking 2010 will be a good year to get started.

Speaking of Tittut Baby and babies. Today Emma, my husband and I went to our first play date birthday party. One of Emma's newest friends, Calista, turned one today. All the girls from Emma's playgroup were there, so it was like a giant playgroup only with a lot of cookies and cake. Joey was there too, and this time my husband got to see Emma and Joey interact first hand. They were cute as ever. Emma looked so cute in her new monkey dress (yes, it's from Gymboree...) and polka dot tights. She has gotten so many friends by now, and it is so nice to see them play with each other.

My husband and I got the laugh of our lives there when one two-year-old girl came into the room with two cookies in her hand. She sat down next to Emma, but boy, did she regret that or what. Emma spotted the cookies in the little girls hand and took off like a canon. She crawled over to the girl faster than a speeding bullet. She might have gotten away with it if she hadn't crawled with her mouth fully open as if the cookie was already in her mouth. The little girl saw Emma's batman moves and quickly went over to her dad to take cover while holding the cookies high above her head so Emma couldn't reach them. Emma, being my daughter and all, didn't let herself get discouraged, so she took after her still with her mouth wide open. The little girl realized she was in trouble and ran out of the the room still holding the cookies high above her head while screaming "Nooooo!!! Noooo!!!" Yeah, it was a funny moment, and I am still laughing about it. The girl's dad looked at Emma after his daughter left and said: "She is persistent, isn't she?" And Neno and I could only nod our heads in agreement....

All the dads chose to watch sports while the moms were playing with the kids....or rather preventing them from fighting with each other. Emma gave me cuddles every now and then, and as a mom, you take the kisses and hugs when you get them. You never know when the next time will be....

Since my camera just quit on me again, I think it is time to go for now. Over all the week has been great with an even greater ending. Emma is in a phase right now where she is protesting a lot and wants to bite me as soon as I am trying to correct her for misbehaving. Today was a great reminder that she, in spite of having a terrible temperament, is the love of my life and that I feel like the luckiest woman on the planet for having her in my life. Sure, we fight and don't see eye to eye on all things, but no matter how mad she might be, she always end up hugging and kissing me later. Because I am her mom after all, and she might not agree with me on everything, but I am the one who provide her with safety, love, and room to explore the world. And even Emma, who is only 9 months old, knows that that is what really matters in the end....

Until next time....

Living in the moment...

It wasn't as easy to write about staying present as I had thought it would be. Lots of thoughts and things to reflect upon, though. I hope you will find some of this stuff interesting and perhaps even relating to your own life...

Living in the moment has always been a personal challenge for me. I am one of those people who get very excited about things, and I tend to live in the future more than in the present. I always set many goals for myself and work step by step toward attaining each and every one of them. Today I am proud to say that I have achieved every single goal I have ever set for myself. I finished school, I got a degree in Psychology, I moved to the US, I got married, I bought a house, I started my own business, and I had Emma.

Having goals and something to look forward to was kind of my reason for living in a way. The last goal I set for myself was becoming pregnant and having a baby. I thought that becoming a mom would be the end destination, and I would finally be able to rest and stay grounded. But what happened was while I was pregnant with Emma, I felt like I lost my calling in a way. I had been so focused for so many years on becoming pregnant that once I was there, I was done. I had reached my ultimate goal. So, now what? Naturally as a Life Coach I was looking for my next goal and the best path to achieve it, but I wasn't able to find it. I simply had no idea of where to go from there...

This realization kept my up many nights. Having goals and something to strive for had been my identity for so long , and now that I finally achieved everything on my list, in a weird way I felt more lost than ever before. I kind of lost the essence of Jenny, if that makes sense. So, on one hand I had fulfilled my dream of becoming a mother to this beautiful and wonderful baby girl. On the other hand, I had lost my soul or my very essence as my dreams and goals for the future no longer dominated my life.

As time passed and Emma grew older, I noticed I started getting excited about things again. I was looking forward to getting out of the house. I was looking forward to our trip back to Sweden this Christmas, and I was also looking forward to all the play dates I signed up for. But most of all, I was looking forward to starting my new business, Tittut Baby. And I realized something very important right there. The goals, i.e. the future, are great to have because they fulfill a purpose and serve as a sense of direction. And it's equally important to live in the moment and appreciate what is now because that's where the journey is. I need my goals to feel whole and complete. But I also need to learn to live right here and now because that's where life takes place. If I always look forward and always dream about what's coming next, I will miss out on everything that's going on in this very moment.

As I was practising this realization earlier today, I looked over at Emma where she was playing on the living room floor. The moment my eyes met hers I knew that I had got it. There's just no question about living in the moment when you're with your children. They are forcing you to stay fully present whether you want or not. Children are masters of living in the moment. For them there is simply nothing but the present. Everything they want and need is right here. Tat is truly a magical gift, and I hope that it's something that Emma will learn to keep as she grows older.

As for me, who knows? Right now all I know is that I am able to stay fully present with her while I am also dreaming about and planning for my business. I guess the trick is to appreciate the present like you do when you are with your children, and when the kids are off to bed, like Emma is now :0), dive into your goals and all the other exciting things you have planned for the future...

Challenge

I wrote a long blog today about staying present and living in the moment. For some reason everything just disappeard and all my text was gone. I took it as a sign to stop writing and go to bed :0).

I will write something tomorrow on the topic, but before I go I thought I'd post a challenge for you guys. As you know, I am in the process of starting my own business and fulfilling a dream and long time goal of mine. Perhaps you have been thinking about a a dream or a goal you would like to accomplish too? Next week I am going to post a coaching process for you about how to set a powerful goal, becoming congruent, and how to attain it most effectively. Why don't you set a goal for yourself and do the process with me? We can be one of those goal buddies. We can share stories and learn from each other. Wouldn't that be fun? So until next time, think of something you would really like to do, create, or have and we'll pick up from there next week. I don't know about you, but I am getting excited again....:0)