One of those days...

The past few weeks have been very busy, and I find myself not having enough time to do what I set myself out to do. It's crazy around here with Emma's schedule, work, doctor appointments, gates ordering, lunch, dinner, grocery shopping, and everything else in between. I thought I had everything under control and felt pretty good about my somewhat organized life. Then Emma decided to start crawling and boom - end of freedom as I knew it.

Don't get my wrong. I love it. I love seeing Emma grow and progress and develop new skills. In fact, it is a cheer joy to see her figure new stuff out and then attempt to do them. She has been on her way to crawl for the longest time and then about a month ago she just took off. Now she is a real pro at crawling and decided last week that it was time to do something more daring and dangerous. I mean, why settle for crawling when you can stand up and walk between furniture? That way is much more fun plus I get to see mommy sweat while trying to catch me before I fall and hit the new and very hard hardwood floor....

Emma is definitely learning to test her limits. She understands "no," but has decided that it is more fun to despite me and go for all the things she's not allowed to do. Like crawling up to the fireplace and touch the very hot cover glass. Or crawl over to the stereo and pull out all of my favorite Cd's and DVDs. Or touch all the cords she can find in the entire house. Yep, she is becoming her own and it is a total delight. Of course, it makes it so much harder for me to do things when I constantly have to be next to her to prevent disaster from happening. Hence the beginning of my blog where I was starting to explain the infrequency of my blogs these days....

I always knew that this day would come. Emma would grow older and become more demanding. It is a given and every parent has to go through it. She is 10 months now, or will be tomorrow (Happy 10-month birthday, Angel!), and I am trying to figure out how to keep a semi normal life. Since I am now working between 3 and 6pm every day, it is imperative that Emma sleeps during those hours so I can work. Lately, she has not been sleeping much in the morning so she is very tired in early afternoon around 1pm or so. But since I work at 3pm and need her to nap then, I have to keep her up until that time. And that my friend is no easy task. She is cranky as ever, not wanting to eat or drink, and definitely not up for playing. My day in a nutshell. I do everything around her schedule because I truly believe that her routines are very important. I want her to have a sense of stability, and napping and keeping a somewhat regular schedule can help with that.

Although I am enjoying Emma's new found set of skills, I am also painfully aware of the fact that this situation is not getting better. It's actually getting worse. She's only crawling now. What will happen when she starts walking and running???? Crazy, crazy thought. Fortunately, my husband and I ordered gates for the stairs so we don't have to worry about her taking a head dive down the stairs anytime soon. That's a plus. Another plus is that while my husband is all of a sudden traveling every week leaving all the chores and household duties to me, he is home every weekend and do a lot of stuff around the house and spend time with Emma then. That allows me some time to regain some energy and focus on me for a bit. I like that.

Overall, it is a scary time ahead of us as Emma is getting more and more demanding, and everything is getting harder and harder to do. Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into because it sometimes feels as if the responsibilities are getting too heavy...too much. But of course in the midst of all the loud noise and poopy diapers I see Emma and love instantly fills my heart. She is simply adorable and her love for life is so contagious. I am the first to admit I am not the perfect parent I wanted to be before I got pregnant. Far from it. I have my days. Some days are better than others, but what I have learned is that it is ok to make mistakes and screw up sometimes. We all do. Moms are not perfect and we can't do it all. Sometimes we need help and it is ok to ask for it. It is also ok to admit when some things become too much. I praise my friends every day as they are always there for me supporting me and cheering me on through the tough parts.

I used to have this image of myself as a mom. I was perfect, the house was perfect and nothing would get to me. I would work, play with Emma, and just hang out. Reality looks a little differently. And I learned that the hard way. But we are good, Emma and I. We are bonding and learning from each other. And I like to think that all the stuff that I don't get to do like the laundry and making the bed are things that don't really matter in the end. Emma won't remember the laundry or anything else about the house. Hopefully she will remember her childhood as fun and exciting. As being loved and cared for by supportive parents. I guess thinking about those things from time to time is never a bad idea. We need to vent and air our verbal laundry as well. What I took away from today's busy day was the thought of appreciation in spite of challenges. It's so easy to get lost among the baby food jars and who's turn it is to change the poopy diaper, but when you are giving it your all and at the end of the day you can look yourself in the mirror and say: "Hey, today was a good day and tomorrow will be even better" then I guess you are not doing so bad after all...